Attending a Catholic Wedding When You Are Not Catholic

If you have been invited to a Catholic wedding and have never been to one, the honest summary is this: nothing is required of you except to show up and be present for your friends. Nobody is watching you, nobody will quiz you, and there is no wrong way to sit through a Mass respectfully.

Still, most people would rather know what is coming. Here is the whole thing from a guest's point of view.

How long it takes

A Catholic wedding with Mass usually runs 60 to 75 minutes, because it contains both the marriage rite and the full Eucharistic liturgy. A wedding without Mass runs closer to 30 or 40 minutes. The invitation will not always say which one you are getting, but if the program lists a Liturgy of the Eucharist or a Communion hymn, it is the longer one.

What to wear

Whatever you would wear to any other wedding. Some older churches expect shoulders covered, and it is never wrong to bring a wrap or jacket if you are unsure. Beyond that, there is no Catholic-specific dress rule for guests.

Standing, sitting, and kneeling

Catholics move around a lot during Mass, and the transitions are unannounced. The simple rule is to follow the people around you, one beat behind if you need to.

• Standing happens at the procession, the Gospel, the vows, and the final blessing.
• Sitting happens during the readings, the homily, and while Communion is distributed.
• Kneeling happens during the Eucharistic Prayer, roughly the middle of the Mass, if the church has kneelers.

You are welcome to kneel and equally welcome to stay seated. Guests who are not Catholic commonly remain seated during the kneeling, and it reads as perfectly normal rather than as a statement.

Do you have to say the prayers?

No. The assembly says responses back to the priest throughout, and if you do not know them, you simply do not say them. Join in on anything you are comfortable with, including the Our Father, which many non-Catholics already know. Nothing is expected either way.

Communion: the part guests ask about most

Partway through, most of the congregation will file up to the front to receive Communion. This is the question guests worry about, so here is the direct answer.

The Catholic Church asks that Communion be received by Catholics who are prepared to do so. This is not a judgment about you personally. It reflects what the Church understands the Eucharist to mean, which includes full agreement with Catholic belief about it. Guests who are not Catholic are asked not to come forward to receive.

So what do you do? Stay in your place. Sit or kneel, pray for the couple if you pray, and enjoy the music. This is completely ordinary and nobody will think twice about it. You will not be the only one.

You may have heard that non-Catholics can go up with their arms crossed over their chest to receive a blessing instead. Many parishes do welcome this and some do not, and it is not something the Church's liturgical rules actually provide for. If the couple's program invites you to do it, follow the program. If it says nothing, stay in your seat, which is always correct.

The order of the ceremony

• Procession and Introductory Rites. The wedding party enters and the priest greets everyone.
• Liturgy of the Word. Two or three Scripture readings, chosen by the couple, with a sung Psalm in between and then the Gospel, for which everyone stands.
• Homily. A short reflection from the priest or deacon on the readings and on the marriage.
• Consent and vows. The heart of it. In Catholic teaching the couple themselves are the ministers of the sacrament, so this moment, not anything the priest does, is what marries them.
• Rings, and in some families the arras and the lazo.
• Liturgy of the Eucharist and the Nuptial Blessing, if the wedding is a Mass.
• Recessional. The couple leads everyone out.

A fuller walkthrough is in our guide to what happens at a Catholic wedding Mass.

If you are the couple reading this

If a good share of your guests are not Catholic, the kindest thing you can do is print the answers rather than leave people guessing, particularly about Communion. Our wedding program builder has an optional Guest Guide that prints a short plain-English explanation beneath each part of the ceremony, including what to do when Communion comes around. You can edit any of the wording to match what your parish actually does.