Giving a Eulogy at a Catholic Funeral

If you have been asked to "say a few words" at a Catholic funeral, you are probably wondering two things: whether the Church allows it at all, and how long you get. Usually yes, and not for long. The Catholic rite has a specific, modest place for a family member or friend to speak, and most parishes have their own rules about it. Here is what the rite says, what parishes typically ask, and how to write something that fits in three to five minutes.

Is a eulogy allowed at a Catholic funeral Mass?

The Order of Christian Funerals, the book that governs Catholic funerals in the United States, allows a member or a friend of the family to speak in remembrance of the deceased before the final commendation begins. In practice that means after Communion and the Prayer after Communion, just before the priest goes to the casket or urn for the Church's last farewell. You will often see this listed in a program as Words of Remembrance rather than "Eulogy," and the difference in name is deliberate.

The rite permits it. It does not require it, and it leaves a lot to the local Church. That is why you will hear different answers from different parishes. Common practices include:

• A time limit, very often three to five minutes.
• One speaker, or occasionally two, rather than a series of people.
• The text in advance, so the priest or funeral coordinator can read it a day or two before.
• Moving longer tributes to the vigil (the wake), the graveside, or the reception afterward.
• No remembrance during Mass at all. Some parishes and dioceses don't allow it and ask families to use the vigil instead.

None of these is a universal rule, and none of them is the priest being difficult. They are local policies, often set by the diocese. Ask your parish what theirs are before you start writing. It is a two-minute phone call and it will tell you exactly how much room you have.

Why the homily is not a eulogy

Families are sometimes surprised that the priest's homily doesn't tell the life story. That is by design. The Order of Christian Funerals asks for a brief homily based on the readings and says plainly that there is never to be any kind of eulogy in it. The homilist will usually speak about the person, but he does it to show how the Gospel was at work in a real life, and to preach the hope of the resurrection to everyone in the church, including people who are not sure what they believe.

The funeral Mass is first a prayer for the person who died. The Church is commending them to God's mercy and praying for those who mourn. The words of remembrance sit near the end, after that prayer has been made, as a short personal witness. Seen that way, the limits make sense. The Mass has already done the heavy lifting by the time you stand up. What you add is a short, honest picture of the person everyone has just been praying for.

The vigil is the better place for several speakers

If several people want to speak, or the stories you want to tell run long, the Vigil for the Deceased is the place for them. The vigil is a short service of Scripture and prayer, usually held the evening before the funeral at the funeral home or the church, and the rite itself makes room there for family and friends to speak in remembrance. The setting is more relaxed, there is no Mass schedule behind it, and a funny story lands more easily. See our guide to the Catholic vigil and Rite of Committal for how that service runs.

A common and graceful arrangement is several speakers at the vigil, and one short remembrance at the Mass from the person the family chooses to speak for everyone.

How long should it be?

Most people speak at around 130 to 150 words a minute, and more slowly when they are emotional. That gives you roughly:

• 3 minutes: about 400 words
• 4 minutes: about 525 words
• 5 minutes: about 650 words

That is shorter than most people expect, about one typed page. Read your draft aloud with a timer. If it runs over, cut a story rather than speeding up.

How to write it

Start with who they were, in one sentence

Before you write anything else, try to finish the sentence "She was someone who..." or "He was the kind of man who..." That sentence becomes your thread. Everything else should support it.

Choose one or two stories

One specific story says more than a list of fine qualities. "He was generous" is forgettable. The time he drove four hours in a snowstorm to bring a neighbor's kid home from college is not. Pick the story that shows the trait in your opening sentence, and tell it plainly. If you have a second story, make it a different side of the person.

Include a word about faith, if it is true

You are speaking in church, in the middle of a prayer for the dead. A sentence about their faith fits naturally, but only if it's honest. It might be the rosary in the kitchen drawer, the way she never missed the 7:30 Mass, or simply that he wrestled with belief and kept showing up. If faith was not a visible part of their life, you don't have to invent it. Gratitude, love, and hope for them are enough.

End by turning toward them, or toward God

Good endings are short. You can speak to the person directly ("Mom, thank you"), offer a line of Scripture that mattered to them, or say what you hope for them now. Then stop. Resist the urge to summarize what you just said.

A sample outline

Here is the shape of a four-minute remembrance for a grandmother. The details are invented, but the structure works for almost anyone.

• Who you are (one or two sentences). "I'm Anna, the oldest of Rose's eleven grandchildren. The family asked me to say a few words for all of us."
• The thread. "Grandma Rose believed nobody should ever leave her house hungry or alone."
• First story. Sunday dinners for twenty, and the folding chairs she kept in the garage for whoever turned up, including people none of us had met.
• Second story. The year she spent visiting a neighbor in hospice every afternoon, and never mentioned it to anyone.
• Faith. Her worn prayer book, and the list of names she prayed for every night. "Most of the people in this church were on it."
• Closing. "Grandma, you kept a chair out for everyone. We are praying that there is one waiting for you. Thank you."

What to avoid

• Inside jokes. If half the church won't understand it, leave it for the reception.
• Long lists. Every relative's name, every job, every award. The obituary and the program can carry those.
• Roasting. Gentle humor is welcome and often a relief. Embarrassing stories, old grudges, and family conflict are not.
• Theology you're unsure of. Lines like "God needed another angel" aren't Catholic teaching and can hurt people who are struggling. Say what you hope instead.
• Going over time. The priest, the musicians, the cemetery, and the funeral home are all working to a schedule. Staying within your limit is a kindness to the family.

Delivery tips

• Print it in a large font (16 point or more), double spaced. Don't read from your phone.
• Practice it aloud at least three times. The parts that make you cry in practice will make you cry at the ambo, and that's fine. Knowing where they are helps.
• Slow down. Church acoustics swallow fast speech. Pause after each story.
• Have a backup. Give a copy to a sibling or friend who can finish reading it if you can't. Nobody will think less of you.
• Ask where to stand. Some parishes use the ambo, others a separate lectern or a spot near the casket. The priest or coordinator will tell you when to come up.

Putting it in the program

If your parish includes words of remembrance at the Mass, it helps to name the speaker in the program so people know who is coming up. Our funeral program builder lets you list the eulogist with the pallbearers and readers on the back cover, along with your chosen readings and hymns. For the rest of the planning, see how to plan a Catholic funeral, our guide to Catholic funeral hymns, and, for guests unfamiliar with the Mass, what to expect at a Catholic funeral.